If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
