My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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