it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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