wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
