On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
