he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
