the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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