you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
