You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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