Fine. I'll sleep in my office
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
