He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
