Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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