So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
