do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
