My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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