no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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