One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
