Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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