sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
