If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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