look no pants
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
