Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
