Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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