I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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