How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
