dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
