Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're too hungover to prance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
