am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize