Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
