I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
