As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
