WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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