At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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