I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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