Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
