You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
