im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
