Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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