she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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