This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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