I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
