Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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