I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
