Your mouth is God's brothel.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
