Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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