Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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