Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
