he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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