stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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