If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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