My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
