so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize