awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
