Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
