just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
