I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
