Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
