I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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