i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
