garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize