He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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